Don't despair.

Ok, Ok, rummage tells herself. The bar was set too high the moment you suggested a hiatus. I suppose its testament to how I rely on the pen and paper. Maybe.

This is about the time of year my imaan goes through a good ol’ trial – a thorough whipping. It’s this time of year, I get the doubts as to where my future lies. Heck, they’ve gone beyond doubts, entered uncertainty and done a somersault over the term regret. And, that’s dangerous. It’s why I don’t like going there, I try my best to avert away from such thoughts but it gets too hard especially when it is all you hear , day in, day out.

Now, I have heard about the idea of being broken in front of Allah – admirable.That’s a trait preserved for the believers, the pious amongst the Prophet’s nation. May Allah grant them of His immense bounty.

Try ashamed. Utterly ashamed to ask for His help. How can I? , I question myself, without helping myself. It’s a stalemate in the thought process. In a normal situation nothing would hinder me seeking help from my Protector, the Source of Peace, the Forgiving and the Forbearing.

And then, one comes back to their senses and realises Allah is called At Tawwab (the Ever-Relenting). Wallahi, the jolt of joy one feels is inexplicable as soon as they realise that. Maybe the weather is helping, a lovely March morning; the dazzling sunshine manages to permeate every nook and cranny.

The problem is not the trial itself. No. It is the awful reality of it being self-inflicted and constantly repeating itself. It’s that which causes the annoyance, ridiculously large bouts of utter annoyance at oneself. Then all is calm as I remind myself that Allah has delivered me through this , on numerous occasions. When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, an avenue became available that I never expected.

Lesson learnt – probably not, yet. Will I continue trying – most certainly.

So, in trying to pass on what bit of advice I can, remember that Allah does not purposefully harm his servants nor would He subject them to hardships for which they could not handle , unnecessarily.
· Remember that no soul is subjected to more than it can bear, as Allah reminds us.
· Remember that Allah tests those who he loves.
· Shun the whispers of the accursed by seeking refuge in Allah.
· No amount of crying is going to get the job done, so start.
· Through hardship there is relief, as Allah, tells us.
· Don’t underestimate your capabilities for many of mankind are forever guilty of this condition.

And finally, a beautiful hadith that seems to put everything into perspective.

"A muslim is not afflicted by hardship, sickness, sadness, worry, harm, or depression - even if pricked by a thorn, but Allah expiates his sins because of that. " [Bukharee and Muslim]

Blessed be Allah, then. Lord of all Mankind. His Mercy encompasses all things.

Ma3assalam.