We’d been speaking for only a few minutes but in that time, I can’t remember feeling more emotions than one can bear in a particular snippet of time. She introduced herself, as did I, and she told me of her story.
You see, this young lady was a revert to Islam. I’d heard so many stories of reverted brothers and sisters, individuals who Allah, Most High, had guided back to the natural path He had created them to follow. The important point above being that I’d heard of so many stories. I’d never actually witnessed, never actually touched. I remember thinking to myself, Ya Rab, what a lovely pleasure it would be to share an experience with a revert. It was a passing thought. A passing thought that would one day become a reality by the Will of Allah. And it did, on that particular day.
I spoke to her for only a little while and I remember the first emotion I felt. I wanted to cry actually. Poor girl, she probably thought ‘what had I done wrong’. Little did she know it would be the first of the wealth of thoughts and feelings that would probably become more evident to her as she grew to know me. Oh Allah, I remember thinking, thank you for blessing me with this pleasure. Thank you for allowing me to witness the light of enthusiasm that poured forth from this sister. Oh Allah, I remember thinking, thank you for adding yet another beautiful memory to my bank of memories.
This is the one that may be the hardest to explain. Jealously closely followed. Bear with me as I try to put forth what exactly was going on in my head. You see, however practising one is, we didn’t leave our mothers’ womb a pious being. That, we can all agree on. By the Will of Allah, we all came to the path we are on now in our own way and in our own time. Add to that, through different experiences and trials, and you’ve got an almost infinite web of paths us Muslims followed to get where we are now. Don’t get me wrong, ya3ni, we all have a long we to go and there’s always room for improvement. But, I mentioned the point above simply to allow you to go back to the moment where you starting taking Islaam seriously. Hold on to that thought for a minute and remember the explosion of pleasure that followed that sweet moment(s) and maybe you can begin to understand why jealousy decided to manifest itself, even for a brief moment on that day. I must have inwardly desired to experience that same experience I know this individual would probably go through now.
I hope I have made my point clear, and if not, I’ll give it one more go. You remember the books, the lectures, the circles, the audios, the videos, the hadiths, the ayats, the recitors, the classes, and last but certainly not the least, the people. I could go on but I may have exhausted the point. All the above that comes together to give that memory of ‘taking Islaam seriously’ a sweet after taste. Now, you see why I may have felt a tad bit jealous, if only for a moment. Yes, for a moment. It was for a moment for straight after that, I had another thought.
I wanted to slap myself for being so silly. Surely, by being jealous of the experience that awaited this individual I was (falsely) implying that it was a single process. One burst of excitement. One chance of feeling pleasure. And we can all testify to the exact opposite. Well, I can anyways. Why? Because I can say, with firm conviction, that all the above still serves to move me, to excite me, to make me wanting more. It hasn’t stagnated, it hasn’t dimmed and it hasn’t stopped me wanting more.
The answer is simple really. Yes, everything needs a starting point and so does this type of pleasure that comes from learning about Islaam and acting according to it. BUT, if we want it to happen, this pleasure will not ever die simply because it rides on the waves of knowledge, which is infinite according to what our brains can cope with. And it’s a sample of the pleasure that awaits us in the afterlife if we are successful. Tabbarak Allah, then, for making me realise this.
Ma3assalam.
