Nothing mathematical about the date above. Its the first of the new Gregorian calender. We Muslims had our New Year a few days back but I was under a duvet trying to fight off influenza.
Praise be to Allah that I am fine now.
I don't do resolutions , maybe I should.
In fact, if the last year has taught me one thing is that I don't take enough time to analyse what's been before. I don't take myself into account. I foolishly lived life expecting it to throw whatever it would at me. I don't remember sitting down and thinking things through.
Why? Because it hurts too much. Biologically, emotionally, whatever. Thinking just isn't for me at most times.I've given up on thinking. Maybe thats why I'm so behind on academic work.*there's still time, she says*.
So, by God's will, I shall aim to review my life now and again, fix the things that need be fixed. Talk to the people that I feel like talking to.
That's another thing, talking to the people I want to talk to. It's OK, rummage tells herself, that you don't feel comfortable around many people. It's OK that only a select few people know the real you, rummage also tells herself. It's fine that you often feel that you can be yourself around those that matter, family, the real friends. Alhamdullilah, I am beginning to enjoy my company a bit more than usual. It's fine, one should tell themselves , constantly.
Alas! But one's never alone when they have chosen to submit to the will of Allah. I've realised I'm not alone. I never am. When it all gets too much and I can't find that particular person to empty myself out to, it's fine. I have Allah and I am beginning to learn that that is enough for me. He hears my fears, my desires, my despairs, my wants, my complaints. I'm not expected to take care of everything, it has already been decreed by a Lord, most Loving and that feeling brings sakinah to my heart everytime it passes my thoughts.
This bit always amuses me, I've just remembered I haven't thought of travelling for quite a while. Forget science, travelling is my companion and I have not been entertaining thoughts of the lists of places I want to go when I'm older. It's quite amusing when thoughts run away with you in such a manner. I look at the notice board with images of my favourite destinations and know that I'll probably have dreams of such places tonight.
So, let's see what this new year holds. Muharram, that is.
Salam alaykum.
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