When did it happen to me? I always ask myself, internally searching for the point in my life where I found Allah as I know him now. I'm searching for the time in my life where God seized to be a reminder and a reminder at that. When Allah (swt) received my full devotion and attention. Where God stopped being thought of as only existing during madrasah and had disappeared out of my mind as I had left. I remember the times the Islamic rituals were just that - ritualistic practices that had no meaning to me at all. Where and when did Allah decide to guide me, a now thankful servant, out of relative darkness and into searing light (to use such a term).
I tell myself it was when I finally turned an adult and that I could excuse my neglect of Allah due to ignorance and infancy. But that didn’t suffice as I grew up and learnt of the many young devout companions of the prophet (pbuh) who practiced Islam with more fervor than ever imaginable. No, I tell myself. It couldn’t be because of that but I’ve stopped asking myself ‘why’ anymore, it wastes too much time thinking of the past but I am still able to reminisce about my journey to the Islam that I now know. The answer is simple – Allah (swt) chooses to guide whomsoever he wills and when He wills, it was that straightforward.
So, it happened. Worship had meaning now; the all important reality of sincere intention had found a furrow in my once bare heart. A language that would serve to move me where I was once stern. A dialect that would make me tear where I was once as emotionless as a stone. An understanding that would instill in me love where blind obedience once had a stronghold.
I began to see the world differently, at first I plainly accepted it. Then, I appreciated it that way. I saw potential in affliction, the wisdom behind tribulation and the growth behind conflict. It all added up – Allah is All Wise, after all. A delicate balance lay bare and Qadr (fate) was its pivot, its focal point.
I tell myself it was when I finally turned an adult and that I could excuse my neglect of Allah due to ignorance and infancy. But that didn’t suffice as I grew up and learnt of the many young devout companions of the prophet (pbuh) who practiced Islam with more fervor than ever imaginable. No, I tell myself. It couldn’t be because of that but I’ve stopped asking myself ‘why’ anymore, it wastes too much time thinking of the past but I am still able to reminisce about my journey to the Islam that I now know. The answer is simple – Allah (swt) chooses to guide whomsoever he wills and when He wills, it was that straightforward.
So, it happened. Worship had meaning now; the all important reality of sincere intention had found a furrow in my once bare heart. A language that would serve to move me where I was once stern. A dialect that would make me tear where I was once as emotionless as a stone. An understanding that would instill in me love where blind obedience once had a stronghold.
I began to see the world differently, at first I plainly accepted it. Then, I appreciated it that way. I saw potential in affliction, the wisdom behind tribulation and the growth behind conflict. It all added up – Allah is All Wise, after all. A delicate balance lay bare and Qadr (fate) was its pivot, its focal point.
I found myself smiling more than usual, my friends noticed too. Why ever not? I used to reply. I would relate a famous hadith Qudsi – the one that spoke of how close Allah came to the one who took a few steps towards him. How could I stop smiling, I ‘d found a jewel – Al Islam. I would now appreciate it, polish it and through time, perfect it. Alas, I’d finally stumbled upon a wonderful nurturing for my soul, all by the Will of Al Wadud, the Loving.
And now, I’ll admit it, it’s a struggle at times, as any Muslim would expect and my faith is constantly tested and seen to. But, I’ve learnt to accept that it is natural to feel this way. How can one expect to grow without being tested, to strengthen without suffering lost, to appreciate without working hard for something? Everything has reason now although I’m not sure about them all. However, it is adequate enough for me to know that I am not expected to be perfect, for Allah alone is free from imperfection.
I often ask other, how you came to the Islam that you now know.
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